Moniker

Why the sudden splurge of posts you may wonder, after many months of silence.

I don’t have a fucking clue, so please do refrain. 

I can tell you though my week has been a mess, jumping from high to low, to just one big downward drop of everything. It’s been a long battle. The days have kind of blurred into one; from being sat at a computer, surrounded by two women who I have a shared past with that is rather ugly and I don’t think either felt like discussing it- much like I didn’t. To then being sat at a desk contemplating every mistake I’ve ever made- that was a long one.

Now on this spiralled Wednesday night, I’m laying in my bed, the sheets pulled up, hopelessness ruminating around in my head and Father John Misty’s Fear fun playing loudly. I’ve been seeking this solace and peace for a long time, away from humanity, away from the doldrums that consume me as the heinous daylight sun scorches my eyes.

This week the purposelessness that humanity is stricken with has been lurking around in my mind. I find myself idly sat wondering about the black abyss of nothingness surrounding us. Sighing as religious folk, fast, and abstain from sex, unable to accept the fact where all going to die and life is undefinable so go; eat macdonalds and fuck your girlfriend, we’re all just on a swirling blue hole of green decay- that is going to slowly implode probably long after we’ve nuked ourselves to oblivion.

What’s changing in me, don’t ask, I don’t know. The hopelessness is still there. Father John Misty’s Fear fun is still playing. So not much has changed. Am I in a relationship now, fuck no. Am I in a rather complex situation with a beautiful girl, fuck yes. Has my life been a massive rollercoaster these past three years, absolutely. Is that going to change, I think the fuck not. 

That’s about it really.