The fateful wordpress logo stares at me, I stare back at it. I started this blog when I was still talking to her, the worst was yet to come. Now many blog posts later and she isn’t here, the room is cold, the world is cold. Time tick and ticks for me, the clocks beat on and on regardless of everyone else. Time takes it’s toll on us all. Everything that happens, hell whatever happens I always come back to the same conclusion; I still love her. It’s an endless cycle of sadness, hope and cynicism, I’m waiting for it to end but instead the underlying monotonous feeling stays put.

When the world is out for you, you will realise whether or not you are truly lonely. If the walls feel like they are crumbling in, the days seem long and hard, your whole world feels empty even though the sun beats on and humanity continues with stupid smiles and giggles. If you feel like that you are lonely. Help doesn’t help all that much, it isolates, it makes you feel like your strange. Life becomes about keeping it together, it becomes about making it through the awful, meaningless days, thriving on hope and hate. You won’t find meaning without an Hope. You wont find love without falling in love. I can’t find your happiness for you, you have to find some way to figure out your unhappiness and decide whether to use it or lose it.

Love runs from us all, love grasps us all. Love, love, fucking fickle love.

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