Liking

I liked a girl. That’s not hard to believe (Everyone has liked someone at some point). Hell I do still like her. Now I’m not sure where this post is going to go, I wish I did but by the end a direction may be clear, maybe not. I digress, I liked a girl. Countless of my works have been about her. I talked to her for a long time, we where close, we had something going. By the end of it it was the first time I’d felt true love, as if this girl could bring me back to shore. She was a part of my life, I couldn’t let her go. It just wasn’t possible no matter how times I ended up back talking to her. I told her a lot, I avoided some things that she should have known but the days where short we had lives, and I had fears. The months weren’t long enough for my sake. Those times where beautiful, a beauty that was so deep that I had to scour the surface to find it but by then it was too late. The damage had been done, I was there and then she was gone. She had disappeared into the great life, she had it, I hadn’t. Maybe I wasn’t ready, I believe I was maybe I needed more time. To figure things out. Maybe I didn’t deserve the kindness of her or the time with her. I am human the mistakes I make have moulded me, I have written about them and I have laughed about them. Behind the bullshit there is a beauty. It is necessary to remember that. If you don’t you will lose everything. Risk it all, I should of for her. Maybe I subconsciously sacrificed it all for her. I’ll never know. All I know is in this past year I’ve had all the time I’ve needed and if I had a second chance I’d take it. I’d risk it all  for a second time with her, I wouldn’t care about what happened I’d do it all again for her. Just remember this isn’t an ode. Just remember there is a beauty in this world, just remember there is an edge in this world that can cut people in two.

Writing this well I’ve realised it has no direction, it isn’t a confession, it isn’t an open letter. It’s a truth, a beautifully damned truth.

-To someone who may not see this